What My Family Was Really Thinking When We Went to See Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein on Broadway

Twenty minutes to curtain…

Dad: This should be great! I loved The Producers! And I don’t really care for musical theater!

Mom: This should be great! I loved The Producers! And I love musical theater!

Brother: I’m going to judge the entire show based on the first number.

Me: The Producers was really funny … but can a show based on a gothic novel that has been misinterpreted since its publication be anywhere near as good?

Dad: Maybe we should have made the kids see the movie before the show …

It begins …

Me: Okay … interesting set, costumes and lighting ….

Brother: This is horrible. I will now spend the remaining two hours and 20 minutes trying to spot instances of Roger Bart’s back hurting.

Megan Mullally enters …

Mom: Well, she’s been taking care of herself since Will & Grace.

Dad: Sexual humor! Yes! Mel Brooks has still got it!

Me: Oh, look, they cast Karen from Will & Grace in a Broadway show! I didn’t realize fictional characters were being hired for supporting roles these days. … Do they pay them in Monopoly money?

Dad: I have never seen that actress before in my life. The rest of the family doesn’t look particularly amused. Am I missing something? She keeps touching her chest; is that a recurring shtick?

“A Roll in The Hay” …

Mom: What clever use of video and interesting choreography! Sutton Foster is great as the Ulla character.

Dad: Ha-ha! More sexual innuendo! And I recognize that line from the movie!

Me: Mel Brooks really has a thing for leggy blonde shiksas. Susan Stroman just corrupted every hay ride I have ever been on and will never go on in the future. Thanks a lot. Now my future children will never know the joy that is sitting in the back of a damp wooden cart.

Brother: I can’t believe I’m watching a show where the jokes thus far have been an even split between sexual humor and vowel/name pronunciation. What is this, seventh grade?

“Join the Family Business” …

Dad: This is a bit campy for me.

Mom: This is a bit campy, even for me.

Brother: Hope no one will be disturbed when I check my BlackBerry.

Me: Interesting number, but are we really only halfway through act one? Oh look, my brother’s checking his e-mail.

“Life, Life” …

Me: It’s almost as if the Igor character’s sole purpose is to waste time. And why does he have a British accent? Isn’t he from Transylvania Heights? If everyone else has to be faux-German, so should he.

INTERMISSION

Entre’act

Brother: Why is Mel Brooks so obsessed with Germany and German music?

“Surprise” …

Me: The hero’s fiancée shows up right as he’s falling for his leggy lab assistant. No one saw that one coming …

Dad: This Megan Mullally person is hysterical! That high-pitched voice, socialite demeanor, and quasi-lesbian tendencies!

Mom: Karen Walker comes to Transylvania. Sigh.

“Please Send Me Someone” …

Brother: Where the hell did this blind guy come from?

Dad: I’m confused … who is this blind guy?

Mom: …

Me: I have no idea who that blind guy is.

“Puttin’ on the Ritz” …

Dad: Straight outta the movie.

Mom: The choreography is great! It’s no Springtime for Hitler though.

Brother: The strobe lights definitely give the second act an advantage over the first.

Me: This number makes me want to take a dance class. Did I bring my tap shoes to the city?

“Deep Love” …

Dad: I’m officially over the sexual humor.

Mom: Me, too.

Me: Me, three.

Brother: The market was down 360 points today.

Finale Ultimo

Dad: That was pretty long. Entertaining, though. Mel Brooks kind of still has it.

Me: My mom didn’t ask if I want a souvenir T-shirt. That’s never a good sign. And if my brother gets to say “Puttin’ on the Ritz” the same way the monster does three more times, then it’s over. I can’t listen to “PUGHINNNN ONGA RIIIIIII” the entire way home.

Brother: At least I have a new way to annoy everyone.