Mamma Meryl! ABBA-thon Even Defeats Streep
Why, oh, why did they let these actors do their own singing? Plus, the Joker steals scenes from the Batman and Stephen Dorff shines in the harrowing Felon
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MAMMA MIA!
RUNNING TIME 108 minutes
WRITTEN BY Catherine Johnson
DIRECTED BY Phyllida Lloyd
STARRING Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgård, Christine Baranski, Julie Walters
Amid the summer junk-movies that are already going down in history as artifacts, some folks will welcome, I suppose, the nauseating cornball music of the Swedish pop group ABBA which pounds its way through the monumentally inconsequential Mamma Mia! To me, the popularity of the jukebox blather of this gang of no-talents is only slightly less understandable than the war in Iraq. And the movie they’ve made of the bafflingly popular tourist attraction still playing on Broadway is only slightly more unbearable than finding myself the real-life star of all the Saw movies rolled into one. Like the show, there’s a lot of bumping, jerking, twitching, shrieking and jumping up and down while pretending to have fun, but the entire cast of misguided pros look like they just woke up in a bed of red ants.
You could write the plot on the head of an ice pick, which is exactly what Catherine Johnson, adapting her original book to the screen from a “concept” by Judy Craymer, has done. If you’ve been subjected to one of the productions already staged in 170 cities and in eight different languages, you know it’s about a disgraced, pregnant and very unwed American pop singer (played by a woefully miscast Meryl Streep) who moved to Greece to have a daughter and run a rotting hotel. That was 20 years earlier. Now the little girl has grown into a lovely bride-to-be (Amanda Seyfried, from the TV series Big Love) who invites three of her mom’s old one-night stands to the wedding, hoping to discover which one is her father. Everyone finds love in time for an admittedly beautiful Greek sunset—and yet another in an endless parade of club-footed dances amateurishly choreographed and numbingly directed by Phyllida Lloyd. That’s it. End of story. But the boring, lugubrious hit parade of nauseating pop songs just drags on and on, droning into a threatened eternity of bathos.
Bring earplugs. The first of many fatal mistakes in this misbegotten mush was allowing the actors to do their own singing. Ms. Streep has sung before, but her musical voice is weirdly uneven here. The others are so out of tune that every time they open their mouths, you wince. A far more experienced musical cast might have given it some precision, but as the actors arrive, one by one, on the fictional Greek island of Kalokairi, they don’t seem amusingly conflicted by the wedding chaos, just tormented. This cruelty only heightens the weakness of the material. Nothing has been tailored to fit the particular talents of the cast. They’ve all been thrown into a shark-infested pool to sink or swim. To put it mildly, they float like fishy mammals auditioning for the role of a beached whale.
Donna, the Streep role, depends mainly on an earthy charm of which the actress might have been capable if she had had a decent director. She’s merely static and tentative, flapping her arms all over the scenery like someone attacked by a swarm of killer bees. Watching her desperately trying to bring to life a character that is essentially cardboard is one of the year’s more embarrassing challenges. Her frantic cohorts lack the ease to take up the required slack. The other two members of her old vocal group, Donna and the Dynamos, turn up as bitchy, drunken gorgons (Christine Baranski and Julie Walters) who slug ouzo and flounce and bounce like drag queens. Not good drag queens from Greenwich Village. More like bad drag queens from open-mike cabaret night at the Des Moines Holiday Inn airport lounge. Worst of all, meet the three possible Dads, played by Pierce Brosnan, who gets the big love songs but can’t carry a tune in a paper bag; serious Lars von Trier veteran Stellan Skarsgård, who looks blank and uncomfortable throughout; and dashing Colin Firth, who, for no reason except an excuse to give his character a proper exit, falls in love with a man. None of them can sing, and nothing they do looks natural. Rarely have I witnessed so many pros appear so clueless.
Anything in Mamma Mia! that risks becoming an actual scene only serves as another song cue. The result is a farrago of fake tunes, plagued with sophomoric lyrics, noisy and flat and begging to be burned (“Don’t go wasting your emotion … sharing your devotion … Lay all your love on me,” shouted by dancing beach boys in snorkel flippers) followed by more tunes (“I’ve played all my cards … Nothing more to say/ No more ace to play … The winner takes it all/ The loser has to fall”) and even more tunes (“I believe in angels/ Something good in everything I see … when I know the time is right for me”) while the Greek peasants stop tending their goats to sing “Oom-pa-pa” in the background. I mean, are they kidding? Are people now so removed from real music that they actually sing along with this sentimental bilge? It’s all supposed to impart a smiley-face feeling of lighthearted innocence, but it just looks stupid. The joy is metallic and the energy is forced, but look at it this way: The payroll checks were astronomical, and they all got a great vacation in the Greek islands. Making movies—even godawful dogs like Mamma Mia!—still beats pushing a sausage cart down the streets of a broiling New York summer.
rreed@observer.com
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Rex Reed, you ignorant slut. You just don't get it........
This is an ABBA MUSICAL, it's supposed to be hokey, schlocky, annoying, foolish, non-sensical. You have to look beyond artisan film making. Meryl Streep did; and she's probably having a few martini's tonight saying fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!
I intend to watch Mamma Mia, have fun and not even attempt to look for pathos and depth. This musical never claimed to be a work in the league of Shakespeare!
Rex is just jealous that he did not get a man in the end.
Duh? Where did they find this pseudo critic??? You mean you went into the theater expecting a serious movie? Hahaha. Mamma Mia is all about CAMP. And it not-so-silently pokes fun at people who don't get camp (like a certain critic we know). I can't believe this Rex Reed character actually dissected the lyrics to an ABBA song! I think he was looking for a Stephen Sondheim score or something. Hahahaha...
And "no one can sing"??? What exactly is Reed's definition of singing? This is the strangest, most senseless review I've ever come across. What a joke! The idiot takes it all!
Rex,
This is quite possibly the best and most entertaining film review I've ever read!!!
And thanks for confirming what's obvious from watching those ghastly promos they keep showing on TV. This thing looks like such a turkey, it's got to be a front runner for the next Golden Raspberry Award.
Why are people writing in to defend this monstrosity of a movie? And how did chick flicks become so undignified? And when did slinging nasty epithets like "ignorant slut" constitute worthy counter-criticism? Do you women realize you're justifying the kinds of generalizations about us that justified men monopolizing the vote for centuries? I'm embarrassed to be a girl.
I have been furious ever since I read who the six leads were going to be. I love the stage musical, and as the 30 million fans know, the six leads should all be about 42. So they cast stringy-haired Meryl (59), Julie (58), Stellan (57), Christine (56), Pierce (55), and Colin (47). None of them look young anymore and none of them can sing. Who will buy the soundtrack? Did this 'Donna' give birth at age 39?Benny & Bjorn have insulted their ABBA fans and I am very disappointed. Boo to Hollywood and their never-ending casting stupidity! Just choose Broadway stars with musical talent.
I'm still mad that John Travolta was cast in "Hairspray" instead of Tony winner Harvey Fierstein. Really dumb!
I fully expect this film to be a frothy, over-the-top and lightweight tribute to the bouncy, infectious pop songs of ABBA, and to be entirely enjoyable on an endearing camp level - Mr. Reed seems to have missed the point of the movie entirely
This review proves that Rex Reed has a dead soul. I thought his review of "Sex and the City" was mean and a bit over-the-top. Then I read this doozy. It's obvious (from his use of the word "nauseating" twice--can't roll your wheelchair over to the thesaurus to find another word, Rex?) that he can't stand ABBA to begin with. With that as a starting point, obviously a person will whole-heartedly dislike this movie.
Whatever..I loved the musical and will see it this weekend.
"And when did slinging nasty epithets like 'ignorant slut' constitute worthy counter-criticism? " Oh Emma! Have you never seen vintage Saturday Night Live? You shouldn't be "embarassed to be a girl", you should just be embarassed by your lack of pop-culture savvy!!
Puleese!! With the economy disintegrating, the war neverending, home violence scarier than ever - I am in the mood for light and simple ENTERTAINMENT. I don't always want to go and find a deeper meaning. I am looking forward to seeing this movie.
What is wrong with Donna gving birth at 39 ? Meryl Streep has a 17 year old daughter ! She is not too old for Donna ! Please- and to say she can't sing ? Quite drinkin the hater-ade and sit back and enjoy !
Well, let's face it. If you were a bitter old man whose one claim to fame was acting (badly) in one of the biggest movie flops of all time and your most recent notoriety was for petty shoplifting, wouldn't you be venting your spleen, too?
Take a chill pill, Rex.
Sorry you touchy Reed bashers. It looks like Rex got it right again- I've yet to find a major critic anywhere who likes Mamma Mia! And the point about Streep's being too old for the part has nothing to do with sexism or ageism or anything like that- nor does it have anything to do with the fact that she has a daughter in real life. Her character was supposed to be a sexed up party girl who got pregnant and had no idea who the husband could be- WHAT woman is still living like that at 39? She would have to be a hard core late stage addict in intense rehab.
Hey Dan, have you ever heard of Stanley Kauffmann, Andrew Sarris, Pauline Kael or Jonathan Rosenbaum? Try reading SERIOUS film criticism for a change, and not the self-loathing ramblings of a glorified gossip columnist!
Red doesn't talk about the film, he tries to come off as a comedy queen with his lame insults. And as far as "Reed getting it right again," please, give me a break! He has issued effusive praise for a number of films far worse than this "average" musical.
But what do you expect from someone who was arrested a few years ago for shoplifting CDs at the uptown Tower Records in Manhattan. It made all the newspapers. Reed claimed "He didn't understand how those CDs found their way into his pocket."
Yeah, he's someone I would like to defend.
okay, first off, all of the things you were criticising?? that why its so good!!
i mean come on, what did you expect, something along the lines of hamlet or julius caesar?? the high-camp, "amateur choreography" is the WHOLE POINT!! no, it doesnt have any deep, underlying meaning, no its not full of metaphors for the end of time, and no, no one is murdered, leading into a complicated, twisting plot full of annoying medical jargon.
to be honest, every single person in this film got the perfect role, meryl streep left me in awe after her performance of "the winner takes it all" and julie walters' drunken "take a chance on me" was definatley a highlight, and as of the whole "man falls in love with man simply for a way out" thing? i love it, i thought it was hilarious
to be honest, im sure none of these actors and actresses give a crap if people do not see that this is lighthearted and fun, and right bad reviews about the lack of plot, because in the end, they're the successful ones rolling in cash with swimming pools in their back garden thats the size of a small african country.
i loved mamma mia, ive seen it twice =D
Seeing this movie was one of the most hilariously wonderful ways to spend a Sat. afternoon! I laughed, I cried, I wondered about Pierce Brosnan's singing and then thought it rocked - and can't wait to get both the sound track AND the DVD to watch it all over again. What fun they all must have had making it! Wish I'd been a fly on the wall.
though technically music, the sounds of abba are more accurately labeled as anti-music. or maybe zombie-music, not in the sense of a great caribbean beat, but like a stumbling rotting corpse that is re-animated, lacking a soul, hungry only for your brains . . . brains . . . brains . . .
the desolate "music" of abba is a means to end life as we know it.
Ay ay ay...
People who are defending this monstrosity, the reason why everyone has panned it is not because it isn't a serious, deep film. It's been panned because it is a BADLY done film. If the story and the weaving in of songs had been less stupid, if the singing had been good, if the dancing had been well-choreographed, if the directing had been less bad-community-theaterish...in short, if the movie had actually looked like it had been done by professionals, then yeah, it would have been a good time at the theater.
As it is, I want to write Craymor and Lloyd to ask for 108 minutes of my life back.
This movie, from the previews, looks BAAAADD! As in, awful. Corny. Ludicrously miscast. Cheesy. I can't wait to see it to mock it mercilessly, and of course loving it to death! Another wonderful, inimitable review, Rex, thanks <3, I enjoy every word you write and I own every book you ever wrote.
(Can we all get off the topic of Mr. Reed's senior moment with the CDs? It has nothing to do with a movie review, you freaks are just looking to deflect his criticism onto something personal. It's not like you are a bunch of little saints. You obviously hate and fear older people, get shitfaced on illegal drugs judging by your letters, and you will be stealing a lot more than CDs in the years ahead in order to put some fast food in your stomaches.)
Meryl Streep has a beautiful voice, I admit that the men were not great singers but this movie was fun and that just added to the fun, it is so much better the old days of using a stand in voice. I loved the moving and all the actors in it. Meryl is beautiful.
The musical is really good for what it is. The movie was a real missed opportunity ... not so much for any of the stars, but because of really bad direction. I love Meryl Streep, but Lloyd makes her look so bad so frequently ... it was painful. I really wanted to like this movie and I could only find a few scenes that were reasonably good. It takes a really bad director to make Meryl Streep look like a bad actress. This movie did it over and over again.
That said, I hope this movie makes a mint so that movie musicals can continue to get made and I'll hope that future ones are better.
Finally, Rex's review was mean. There's no reason for a mean review. It can be a bad review, but mean reviews are written to delight the reviewer, not to help the public.
I most definitely agree with your comment. The movie just draws you in. You want to join with the "Dancing Queens". Thank God for a movie that you can just get into and flow with where it is going. No twists and turns to keep up with. A very relaxing time. Can't wait to buy it!
Sexy Rexy strikes again. I really don't understand why he didn't like it - especially since it features "Dancing Queen" as one of the numbers. Maybe it was his time of the month when he saw it. People that are criticizing it just don't get it. It's not meant to be any deep, philisophical movie. It's meant to entertain and that it does. So what if some of the actors aren't the greatest singers in the world? It doesn't hurt it at all. By the way, the theatre where we saw it was packed, and we heard very few, if any, negative comments. Can't wait till it's out on DVD.
Meryl Streep.
She is wonderful! How can anyone say she is 'too old' for the part? This fabulous movie only goes to show that age isnt a factor. Sure, you might look older, but you'll always have the ability to have fun! Growing older dosent mean your lifes over.
As for the other actors, they were all fantastic.
"So they cast stringy-haired Meryl (59), Julie (58), Stellan (57), Christine (56), Pierce (55), and Colin (47). None of them look young anymore and none of them can sing. Who will buy the soundtrack? "
Grr, Belle you have no idea! I have infact brought the soundtrack and love it! So do most of the people i know.
They can sing fine! Each of them bring unique qualitys into the film that earn laughs from all ages!
Mammia Mia wasnt ment to be deep and meaningful. The fact that it has been enjoyed by millions all over the world is a feat in itself.
Fantastic movie, fantastic cast. Would watch it every day if i could.
But i guess everyones entitled to their own opinions.
GO MERYL STREEP!!! :)
This movie was corny, cheesy and fantastic!! Everybody needs a little cornyness in there life. I thought the actors did brilliant considering they are not singers. Its bumpy and lively. When i went to watch it everybody got up and started to dance and sing. Open your eyes a little on what you watch. What did you expect it to be? This was a fun fun movie, to get away from the serious lives we all live. To me it is a MUST WATCH.
I JUST GOT BACK FROM SEEING THIS MOVIE AND I'VE NEVER FELT SO GOOD AND HAPPY. I WAS BOUNCING MY KNEE AND SINGING RIGHT ALONG WITH THE MOVIE. I THOUGHT IT WAS GREAT AND THEIR SINGING WAS FANTASTIC. NO ONE LEFT THE THEATER UNTIL THE COMMERCIALS STARTED GETTING READY FOR THE NEXT SHOW. I LIKE SEEING SMILING FACES FOR A CHANGE LEAVING THE THEATER AND AS GREAT AS PEOPLE SAY BLACK KNIGHT IS I WOULD TAKE THIS UPEAT MOVIE ANY DAY. LIFE SUCKS ENOUGH WITHOUT WATCHING DEPRESSING SHOWS. GREAT JOB MS. STREEP AND MR. BROSNAN YOU DID SOMETHING THEY WOULDNT THINK OF YEARS AGO ACTUALLY SING YOURSELF. JUST REMEMBER MOVIES THAT EVERYONE THOUGHT WERE SO GREAT LIKE WESTSIDE STORY AND THE KING AND I, DO YOU
THINK NATALIE WOOD SANG OR GRACE KELLY? TRY ENJOYING THINGS THAT ARE DIFFERENT LIKE UP BEAT MOVIES NOT EVIL VIOLENT HATE FILLED ONES LIKE DARK NIGHT IT MAY BE GOOD BUT I'M IN THE MOOD FOR UPBEAT IN TODAYS WORLD THE NEWS EVERY DAY IS DEPRESSING ENOUGH. WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN OPINIONS ON WHAT WE LIKE MINE IS THANK YOU, ABBA,MERYL,PIERCE AND EVERYONE ELSE IN MAMA MIA, I REALLY NEEDED THIS !
Well said. The critic sounds bored with life!
Pros appearing clueless? Come on Rexie, don't be so hard on yourself
By the way, if Rexie thinks Mamma Mia is bad, I'd love to see his review of Myra Breckinridge.