Saturday, March 29th

NOW THAT FOOD HAS REPLACED SEX, get thee to chef Fabio Trabocchi (of Soho Italian restaurant Fiamma; yet another eatery our skinny musician will never be able to afford; can someone please rent us a hedge-fund boyfriend?) as he kicks off his monthly cooking class. First up, “Le Paste e Il Risotto,” which sounds like way too many carbohydrates for a Saturday afternoon, but at $100, it’s probably a lot less than you’d pay to eat at his restaurant! The chef explained that he’s not the type to hide his secrets. “I think in the old-fashioned way of thinking, chefs kept secrets, but now we need to share them to give more and learn more,” he said. Of his recent move to the culinary capitol of America, from a Ritz-Carlton in Virginia, he said, with typical reserve, “There are thousands of restaurants, and it’s more competitive, and it’s what I was looking for.” Meanwhile, now that lesbians have replaced rock ’n’ roll, Led Zeppelin cover band Lez Zeppelin—featuring four ladies with names like Steph and Lisa—take the stage at the Fillmore. Call your sister in Northampton and tell her to gas up the Subaru! And then, finally, a decorating style we can afford: Sue Whitney, author of Junk Beautiful: Room by Room Makeovers With Junkmarket Style, speaks and signs books at the Hell’s Kitchen Flea Market. Watch out for the Westies, we hear they’re regrouping!

[Fiamma cooking class, 206 Spring Street, 11 a.m. 212-331-0316; Lez Zeppelin at the Fillmore at Irving Plaza, 17 Irving Plaza, 8 p.m. 212-777-6800; Hell’s Kitchen Flea Market, 39th Street between Ninth and 10th avenues, 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.]