Top-Secret Secret Political Tips!

Superdelegates

Many citizens ask: “What exactly are the superdelegates?” Believe it or not, they were originally ordinary delegates, until they were exposed to cosmic rays, or in some cases bitten by a radioactive wasp, which gave them unusual powers. Some can run at super speed; others breathe underwater. Certain mutant superdelegates burst into flame at will. The entire delegation from Rhode Island, for example, can walk through walls. Three of the superdelegates from Hawaii can control wind currents. And Ted Kennedy can shrink to the size of an atom.

Hopefully these superdelegates will remember that “with great power comes great Democratic responsibility”!

How Barack Obama Will Win the Presidential Election

John McCain seems difficult to beat. He’s charming, outspoken, a war hero—and white. But he has one fatal flaw, like Oedipus, hero of the Sophocles tragedy. Perhaps you have read of his shortcoming, in news articles.

Anyway, here’s what will happen. At the first presidential debate, Senator Obama and Senator McCain will shake hands. A moment later, McCain will realize that his opponent has slipped him a penny—but not just any penny. This coin will date from 1913.

Now, John McCain is superstitious. He knows that 13 is an extremely dangerous number. Right there, on nationwide TV, the Republican candidate for president will begin to sweat, and quake with fear.

Barack Obama will win the election.