Now that we’ve seen Sex and the City, next up: Pineapple Express! And while we’re on the subject, why won’t our friends take three days off work to help pack and label boxes when we move in with our rich boyfriend on Fifth Avenue … oh wait, that’s right, our poor artist “friend” in Williamsburg! Luckily, there are larger things to consider, like the fate of the oceans, which is, according to ocean activist Ted Danson, not lookin’ good! Mr. Danson is on the board of Oceana, which celebrates World Ocean Day (glub, glub, glub) with society stingrays such as model Amber Valletta, rocker spawn Alexandra Richards, socialite Ann Dexter-Jones, and avid sailors Leonard and Evelyn Lauder. “I would say the biggest threat for oceans right now is overfishing,” Mr. Danson told us. “To the point where one-third—and these are all scientific facts, most coming out of Canadian scientists—one-third of our fisheries have collapsed around the world. At that level, you’re not guaranteed that it will come back even if you stop fishing it.” And that’s not all the sunshine Mr. Danson had to throw our way! “The other big problem is when you pull up your nets, you throw a third of what you catch overboard, dead or dying. You have these incredibly destructive and wasteful practices going on, and at the same time you have too many boats going out to do that. Some scientists believe that literally in our lifetime you could fish out the ocean. Commercially, no more fish. Big problem.” Does this mean we can only eat vegetables now? “Without doubt, you never should eat swordfish again, especially as a woman,” purred Mr. Danson. Luckily, here comes Kathy Freston—KAPOW!—pulchritudinous wife of former Viacom head Tom Freston, to help us achieve spiritual fulfillment, errr, veganism! Ms. Freston’s latest tome, Quantum Wellness: A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Health and Happiness, suggests that wine and cheese and roast chicken are to blame for not just the demise of the oceans, but the fact that we feel empty. (And we thought it was Project Runway!) She advocates vegan detoxification. (She’s even sold Oprah on this, ensuring that we hear about dairy-free crepes from our mother for years to come!) Tonight, Ms. Freston is vetted and feted by fashionable yogi Donna Karan along with Wendi and Rupert Murdoch, Christy Turlington and Katie Lee Joel, another photogenic young wife with a book about food. Somebody save us a seat at Burritoville.
[World Ocean Day 2008, Rockefeller Center, 620 Fifth Avenue, 7 p.m., www.lamer.com/oceania; Kathy Freston Book Party, Stephen Weiss Studio, 711 Greenwich Street, 6:30 p.m., Katie.finch@weinsteinco.com]
mbryan@observer.com
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