Rex Reed
Articles by Rex Reed
Cough! Ptooey! Frantic Speed Racer Spews Toxic Fumes
SPEED RACER
Running Time 129 minutes
Written and directed by Andy and Larry Wachowski
Starring Emile Hirsch, Susan Sarandon, Christina Ricci, John Goodman
Even for summer trash, this abomination by the creatively challenged Wachowski brothers is a train wreck so bad that words literally fail me, but I will say it looks like somebody ate 25 cafeteria Jello-O congealed salads and then threw up all over the sets. Happily, I was out of town for Iron Man and have no intention of catching up, but slashing whatever I.Q. points I saved was Speed Racer, an obnoxious two-hour-and-15-minute tribute to noise and Fiestaware from the muttonheads who polluted the planet with the Matrix trilogy; it’s pretty much in a garbage pile of its own. Summer isn’t even officially here yet, but for me Speed Racer fires the opening shot for what threatens to be a three-month school-vacation Marvel-comics festival of violence, stupidity, junk and unsaturated fat, aimed at morons with I.Q.’s of 40 and under, and starring assorted hulks, Spider-Men, Batmen, ninjas, robots, superheroes that are anything but super, and Adam Sandler. Few summer movies promise to be more nauseating than Speed Racer, unless you count the one with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly as siblings (you need a barf bag just for the trailers). read more »
More Sexy Ingenues!
THE BABYSITTERS
Running Time 90 minutes
Written and directed by David Ross read more »
Robbins' Hood
NOISE
Running Time 90 minutes
Written and directed by Henry Beam read more »
Miss M Returns
THEN SHE FOUND ME
Running Time 100 minutes
Written and Directed by Helen Hunt read more »
Uma Drama
THE LIFE BEFORE HER EYES
Running Time 90 minutes
Written by Emil Stern
Directed by Vadim Perelman read more »
Slayed by Quaid! Middle-Aged Glamour Boy Scores as Scruffy Prof
SMART PEOPLE
Running Time 95 minutes
Written by Mark Jude Poirier
Directed by Noam Murro read more »
Jenkins Jives
THE VISITOR
Running Time 103 minutes
Written and directed by Tom McCarthy read more »
Soggy Pastry
MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS
Running Time 90 minutes
Written and directe by Wong Kar Wai read more »
Still-Hot Winona Plays Death Nell in Sex and Death 101
SEX AND DEATH 101
Running Time 116 minutes
Written and Directed by Daniel Waters read more »
No Caine Do!
FLAWLESS
Running Time 105 minutes
Written by Edward Anderson
Directed by Michael Radford read more »
Jared Leto Expands in Grim Role of Lennon’s Killer
CHAPTER 27
Running Time 84 minutes
Written and Directed by J. P. Schaefer read more »
Pegg o’ My Heart
RUN, FAT BOY, RUN
Running Time 101 minutes
Written by Michael Ian Black
Directed by David Schwimmer read more »
Watts Up, Naomi? Beauty Frumps Up for Fright Flick
FUNNY GAMES
Running Time 107 minutes
Written by Michael Haneke
Directed by Michael Haneke read more »
American Ugliness
SLEEPWALKING
Running Time 100 minutes
Written by Zac Stanford
Directed by William Maher read more »
Totally Tovah; Cook at the Carlyle
In weeks this bad, there’s no underestimating the calming value of cabaret. Tovah Feldshuh’s master class in versatility at Feinstein’s is called “Tovah in a Nutshell.” She means it. She’s won awards as Tallulah Bankhead, Kate Hepburn and Golda Meir. Now you feel like she’s throwing a party in her own family room and you’re invited. The night I was there, so was the family. Like a talented kid goaded by her mom to show off, she can do everything. read more »
Heavenly Feature
SNOW ANGELS
Running time 106 minutes
Written by David Gordon Green and Stewart O’Nan
Directed by David Gordon Green read more »
Mrs. Coen Phones It In
MISS PETTIGREW LIVES FOR A DAY
Running Time 92 minutes
Written by David Magee and Simon Beaufoy
Directed by Bharat Nalluri read more »
Without a Hitch, Swank Married Life Puts Brosnan on McAdams’ Tail
MARRIED LIFE
Running Time 90 minutes
Written by Ira Sachs and Oren Moverman
Directed by Ira Sachs read more »
Biddies Gone Wild!
BONNEVILLE
Running Time 93 minutes
Written by Daniel Davis
Directed by Christopher Rowley read more »
Hot Tudors! Portman, Johansson Are the Boleyn Babes
THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL
Running Time 115 minutes
Written by Peter Morgan
Directed by Justin Chadwick read more »
A Porcine Princess
PENELOPE
Running Time 102 minutes
Written by Leslie Caveny
Directed by Mark Palansky read more »
H.S. Ecstasy: Anton Yelchin and Robert Downey Jr. Graduate With Uppers
CHARLIE BARTLETT
Running Time 97 minutes
Written by Gustin Nash
Directed by Jon Poll read more »
Point of Disorder
VANTAGE POINT
Running Time 90 minutes
Written by Barry Levy
Directed by Pete Travis read more »
Leapin’ Liman
JUMPER
RUNNING TIME 90 minutes
WRITTEN BY David S. Goyer, Jim Uhls, Simon Kinberg, Steven Gould
DIRECTED BY Doug Liman
STARRING Hayden Christensen, Samuel L. Jackson, Diane Lane
A piece of idiotic sci-fi piffle called Jumper looks like $90 billion wasted on 90 minutes of popcorn junk. Even the butter is phony. read more »
Nick Nolte, Sober!
THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES
RUNNING TIME 97 minutes
WRITTEN BY Karey Kirkpatrick, David Berenbaum, John Sayles
DIRECTED BY Mark Waters read more »
Sure, Why Not? Cuddle Up With Kevin Kline in Definitely, Maybe
DEFINITELY, MAYBE
RUNNING TIME 105 minutes
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY Adam Brooks read more »
D.O.A.
DIARY OF THE DEAD
RUNNING TIME 135 minutes
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY George A. Romero read more »
Stand-up Shlumps
VINCE VAUGHN’S WILD WEST COMEDY SHOW
Running Time 100 minutes
Directed by Ari Sandel read more »
A Fiennes Mess
IN BRUGES
Running Time 91 minute
Written by Martin McDonagh
Directed by Martin McDonagh read more »
Paris the Thought: Hilton’s Acting Career Definitively D.O.A.
THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE
Running Time 91 minutes
Written by Heidi Ferrer
Directed by Tom Putnam read more »
Long Live LaMott
When Nancy LaMott died of uterine cancer on Dec. 13, 1995, two weeks before her 44th birthday, she left behind quite a distinguished legacy. Beauty, purity, talent and unimpeachable good taste were some of the enviable trademarks that made her a crown princess of cabaret. The cherished CD’s that songwriter David Friedman produced during her brief career are collector’s items. But now there is more. read more »
Sweet Treat
CARAMEL
Running Time 95 minutes
Directed by Nadine Labaki
Written by Rodney El Haddad and Jihad Hojeily read more »
For the White House Screening Room: Two Films From Israel and Lebanon
THE BAND'S VISIT
Running Time 87 minutes
Written and directed by Eran Kolirin read more »
Cabaret Babes
When all else fails, music always saves the day. In her fifth engagement at the swanky Algonquin Oak Room, veteran song stylist Sandy Stewart eschews the corny patter, loud twinkle gowns and “theme” restrictions that imprison so many cabaret acts these days, favoring perfect phrasing from timeless classics by Kern, Berlin, Weill, Hammerstein and the Gershwins, filtered through a low-held bosom-level mike that rarely moves. As usual, she staples your attention to pure enchantment. “No. read more »
Zero Is for Naught
DAY ZERO
Running Time 92 minutes
Directed by Bryan Gunnar Cole
Written by Robert Malkoni read more »
Dishy Diane Lane Dresses Down to Catch a Geek
UNTRACEABLE
Running Time 101 minutes
Directed by Gregory Hoblit
Written by Robert Fyvolent & Mark Brinker and Allison Burnett read more »
Oxygen, Please!
THE AIR I BREATHE
Running Time 97 minutes
Written and directed by Jieho Lee read more »
No More Wire Hangers
4 MONTHS, 3 WEEKS AND 2 DAYS
Running Time 113 minutes
Written and directed by Cristian Mungiu
Starring Anamaria Marinca, Laura Vasiliu read more »
Queen Latifah, Dame Diane and Princess Katie Ring My Doorbell—Ding, Dong!—With Crime Caper
MAD MONEY
Running Time 104 minutes
Written by Glenn Gers
Directed by Callie Khouri
Starring Diane Keaton, Ted Danson, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes read more »
So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good Night
Here I am again, reluctantly counting my losses. Beloved, hated or just plain “Who cares?”, more celebrated people died in 2007 than any year in my memory. I always forget somebody, but here is the nucleus of the ones who will light up the headlines no more.
I suffered a particularly rough blow when my dear friend June Allyson dimmed the lights of the MGM musical era to a final fadeout. read more »
Attend This Tale! 2007 Swoops Out on Sweeney Todd’s Bloody, Triumphant Tide
SWEENEY TODD
Running Time 117 minutes
Written by John Logan
Directed by Tim Burton
Starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham-Carter and Alan Rickman
Finishing off the year with a bang, Sweeney Todd, the splendid and long-awaited movie version of Stephen Sondheim’s masterpiece of music and mayhem, was saved for an edifying adieu. It is distinguished, hypnotic, brilliantly executed and positively electrifying. read more »
Apocalypse N.Y.C.
I AM LEGEND
Running Time 100 minutes
Written by Mark Protosevich and Akiva Goldsman
Directed by Francis Lawrence read more »
Napa Valley Nap
YOUTH WITHOUT YOUTH
Running Time 124 minutes
Written and directed by Francis Ford Coppola read more »
Gutsy Geezers: Nicholson and Freeman Pair for Geriatric Joy Ride
THE BUCKET LIST
Running Time 97 minutes
Written by Justin Zackham
Directed by Rob Reiner
Starring Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman and Sean Hayes read more »
Hit it, Blitzen!
MICHAEL FEINSTEIN
Feinstein’s at the Regency
540 Park Avenue
212-339-4095
Through Dec. 29
Take Me Out
You see them in Beverly Hills, Palm Beach and the concrete canyons of Manhattan. They are called “walkers” because they walk through the gossip columns and society pages on the arms of rich, beautiful, glamorous boldface women who are bored and lonely and always a little bit desperate, escorting them to charity benefits, museums, concert halls and Broadway openings when their husbands are too smart, lucky or otherwise engaged to do it themselves. Walkers are the men in Armani blazers and Hermès ascots who make perfect fourths for bridge, fill important gaps at dinner tables with Baccarat crystal and place cards, and photograph well on red carpets. They are almost always gay, therefore witty and harmless, and look like Truman Capote and Jerome Zipkin. They could absolutely never, under any circumstances, be confused with Woody Harrelson. read more »
Atonement Is My Favorite of the Year!
Despite all expectations, 2007 is turning out to be a sorry year for movies. That’s why Atonement has rejuvenated my flagging energy at the very last minute. Elegantly directed by Joe Wright (Pride and Prejudice), meticulously acted by a perfect cast, immaculately adapted by the great British screenwriter Christopher Hampton and lavishly filmed with a respect for both intimate detail and sweeping narrative, Atonement is everything a true lover of literature and movies could possibly hope for. It is unquestionably, without any reservations, my favorite film of the year. read more »
Kids Today!
JUNO
Running Time 96 minutes
Written by Diablo Cody
Directed by Jason Reitman read more »
Crack Plummer
MAN IN THE CHAIR
Running Time 109 minutes
Written and directed by Michael Schroeder read more »
Nothing Primitive About These Savages: Drama of Dad’s Dementia
Director Tamara Jenkins (Slums of Beverly Hills) delivers that rare gift for the holidays: a meaningful movie about the ravages of age. read more »
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