Left Behind! Or, a Half-Day for the Half-Jews

In a strange fit of caffeination, The Transom began researching the in-office population of various magazines and newspapers this morning. Yom Kippur in the New York media world is sort of like, well, a big Jewish rapture. But, of course, in trying to find out who was in what office... there was no one to pick up the phone. All we know is Jews! Still, The Transom was able to ascertain that a minimum of 1/5th of the staff of editors New York magazine was MIA, and on the day they close the weekly, no less!—although, no official statement was made, as the luscious spokeswoman Serena Torrey didn't pick up her phone. (Stealth Jew?) Better yet, 100% of the staff of Gawker is also missing today. And we were going to call New York Press and the Village Voice, but we felt like we knew the answers already. Also, we didn't care that much. The Transom can also report first-hand that office life at the Observer is largely nonexistent. Of course: So very much to atone for, so little time. They really oughta stretch this thing out for a week. (Yes, we're looking at you, media reporter Gabe Sherman!) Out of sheer loneliness, The Transom ventured out to City Bakery, where gentiles read last week's Arts & Leisure. (Conclusion: the goyim don't need to worry about timely consumption of culture news. Hello, it's Thursday already.) While there, we spent $18 on a wee bit of salad, and we rather feel that's exactly what we deserved. —Choire Sicha