Britney Spears

Things Are Tough All Over: While today's Observer occupied itself with the discontent of magazine writers, The Los Angeles Times' Paul Cullum checked in with Daniel Waters, one very unhappy screenwriter. Waters, who wrote 1989's dark high school satire Heathers (as well as several other films he'll be glad we don't mention), gripes, "You kid yourself into thinking, 'I'm going to do one for them and one for me,' and then you realize they're all for them... So I came to this point where I realized I hadn't really written anything -- I don't even have that drawer full of Orson Welles projects that never got made. 'Sex and Death 101' came out of just wanting something in the drawer, so that when I'm dangling from a noose above it, there it is." (Let's hope Waters doesn't read Rex Reed's review!)

A Tale of Two Britneys: The Huffington Post's Danny Shea makes a good catch: OK!'s Britney Spears cover (Britney Lost 15 LBs In Just 4 Weeks!) features a Glamour photo from 5 years ago. (Jezebel caught it, too, in a post about magazines curbing rampant airbrushing.)

Reading is Fundamental: Nerve's Caitlin MacRae interviews Solitary Vice: Against Reading author Mikita Brottman who sees a softening of book-related snobbery. "I do think it's true now that people tend to judge one another less by their set of collective references than they used to. If I refer to a Shakespeare character and someone doesn't know what I'm talking about, I'm not going to count that as a strike against them... There are so many different cultural frames of reference that there's less elitism, less of a sense that one is superior to the other." Someone must've missed this week's Most Emailed Times story.

MONDAY

Don’t call it a comeback. Britney Spears dusts herself off and puts on some glasses (prop?) to play an amorous receptionist on How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8:30 p.m.). Sadly, between her custody battles, mental breakdowns, and her ill-chosen affair with a paparazzo, the cameo amounts to the only good press the fallen pop star has received in some time. (With that kind of drama, it’s clear why she—and her people—chose for her to be on a sitcom.) Her appearance will likely boost the show’s already strong ratings—it had its second-strongest numbers ever last week for its first new episode after the strike-induced hiatus—introducing the show to a larger swath of America and perhaps finally making it a legitimate inheritor of the Friends mantle.  read more »

Britney Spears will appear as a "female Michael Cera" on CBS's comedy series How I Met Your Mother this season. E! Online's blog Watch With Kristin is reporting that the most likely role for Britney will be in the 14th episode as "Abby," a girl who works in Ted's doctor's office. She's described as "sweet and friendly and scattered and a little nerdy—a female Michael Cera." HIMYM star Neil Patrick Harris talked to ET about Ms. Spears's upcoming role: "What if she shows up on set and she is absolutely, totally normal and that whole thing has been a big ruse?" he joked. "She is smoking a cigarette and [says], 'Oh yes, it is all a big bit. I have a master plan.'" We wonder if she'll even show up for the taping, but if it happens, it will bring some well-deserved attention to one of the best shows on television, as Mark Lotto wrote last year in the Observer. More from Mr. Harris after the jump.  read more »

This clip features famous ex-husband Kevin Federline performing a scene from tonight’s episode of a show called One Tree Hill. During a screening of this preview footage, rapt heartbeats can’t help but quicken at Mr. Federline’s stagecraft—an almost Shakespearean ability to put the smack down on a female character he bills “retarded.”

[Enter, stage left: Oh, No He Didn’t!]

Yes, yes he did. But a savior alights in the afflicted girl’s loyal B.F.F., who promptly tells Mr. Federline’s character, Jason, a musician of some kind, that he’s just upset because “all the talent left his band.” In retaliation, like a razor so sharp to slice a wanton stare, he’s all like, “Not as upset as I am that you left your granny panties in my bed.”

[A choreographed tussle with the heroic Nathan ensues. Fade to black.]

Just as things were starting to look really bleak for Britney Spears (even the AP was drawing up her obit), a savior came down from on high to put the world’s fears at rest—once and for all.

“I think everything's going to be OK,” Paris Hilton said of Ms. Spears.

Ms. Hilton, who spent last weekend at the Sundance Film Festival, sent the singer some saving graces in the form of good old fashioned spin. “She's such a sweet girl when I'm alone with her; she's a completely different person than she's made out to be,” Ms. Hilton, 26, told Us whilst in the majestic climes of Utah's Rocky-Mountain high. But she didn’t stop there. It seems Ms. Hilton really cherishes her friendship with Ms. Spears, 26. “And I love her; I think she's very sweet and has a big heart. She's amazing,” she said, adding: “I just want her to be happy.”

Like the Saturday Night Live skit of ‘Tom Brokaw’ taping a tireless litany of possible deaths, the Associated Press has been preparing Britney Spears’ obituary over the past month.

“We are not wishing it, but if Britney passed away, it’s easily one of the biggest stories in a long time,” the AP’s entertainment editor, Jesse Washington, told Us. He also said that it would be difficult for anyone to argue convincingly that Spears has not been skating on thin ice recently.

“Of course, we would never wish any type of misfortune on anybody and hope that we would never have to use it until 50 years from now…but if something were to happen, we would have to be prepared,” Mr. Washington added. Apparently this practice is not entirely unusual for the media outlet, which has a “pretty extensive obituary operation.”  read more »

While Britney Spears was getting busy in court last fall, her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, was getting busy on the set of One Tree Hill.

We just received this picture, above, of Mr. Federline filming a scene for the CW show—which will feature the former backup dancer on a three-episode arc, beginning on Jan. 15, in which he plays a musician with a pension for super-worn jeans and wife-beaters. It also appears that Mr. Federline, 29, can moss a nasty Vin Diesel impression, if with slightly less-defined guns.

The following clip features the dancer-cum-rapper-cum-actor rockin’ out as the lead singer for a fake band. What does he sound like? Let’s just say we now know what it must be like to get water-boarded backstage at the Cornerstone Festival.  read more »

As Britney Spears was preparing to leave Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after her 72-hour lockdown yesterday, Phil McGraw (a.k.a. Dr. Phil) reportedly “blindsided” the pop star, who then rejected Mr. McGraw’s offer to help her. Since Mr. McGraw was unable to penetrate Ms. Spears’ protective shell, we called celebrity life coach Patrick Wanis, Ph.D., to find out what measures he would take to help the fallen idol.  read more »

Mere hours after Britney Spears was taken to the emergency room at Cedars-Sinai hospital last night, Kevin Federline’s lawyer, Mark Kaplan, requested an emergency custody meeting at L.A.’s Superior Court.

Because of the extraordinary nature of the circumstances, Mr. Kaplan will not be making a statement to press today, said a rep for the attorney. What is clear, however, is that Ms. Spears’ attorney, Tara Scott, was present in the courtroom this morning. According to an inside source who contacted US, Me. Kaplan has asked that all of the singer’s visitation rights be suspended while she is on 72-hour lockdown at the hospital.

Ms. Spears was admitted to the Cedars-Sinai as a “special needs” patient, which apparently indicates either an overdose or a suicide attempt. (L.A. police did say that Ms. Spears appeared to be under the influence of an “unknown substance.) A complete timeline of events surrounding Ms. Spears’ most recent breakdown can be found here.  read more »

On Christmas, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie drove their brood in a Nissan minivan to McDonalds for tasty eats. But yesterday, New Year’s Eve, the 44-year-old charitable actor had traded in his soccer-mom whip for a more rugged set of wheels.

Mr. Pitt was photographed tooling around the Big Easy with Pax Thien Jolie, 4. The pair were burning rubber on something called an E-Z GO ST 4X4 Honda Powered Utility Cart—an army green, combat-ready vehicle that would have made a nice federal-funded addition to the city 28 months ago. The Burn After Reading star didn’t let the little tyke go hungry, though; he made sure to swing by an area convenient store for snacks before heading back to the ranch. It appears as if the father-son team were driving on city roadways, but no stink has yet been raised of Mr. Pitt’s Britney Spears-style grasp on Pax. Then again, it did happen last year.

Whoa! It seems the Style staff at the Times are wholly unimpressed with the way things turned out in 2007—a year they already deemed a disaster in fashion. Yesterday’s paper featured an article proclaiming 2007 the year when an overwhelming number of celebrity careers hit the skids.

To be sure, over the last 12 months we witnessed—mouth often agape, eyes yet wider—some doozeys coming out of Celebrityville. Specifically, the Times points to the following Hollywood hiccups: Britney Spears lost her mind, hair and much of her credibility; Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell waged war over the airwaves; Lindsay Lohan was arrested and sent to rehab; Paris Hilton went to prison; Don Imus spat racist slurs and was fired; Anna Nicole Smith died after eating lots of pills; David Hasselhoff fell from basking in Baywatch glory to drunken bathroom embarrassment; Jamie Lynn Spears, 16, got knocked up; and, of course, 2007 was the year when Alec Baldwin left his daughter that scary, violent voicemail heard ‘round the world.  read more »

People reports that the book Britney Spears' mom was under contract to write about parenting was indefinitely postponed last week following news of her 16-year-old daughter's impregnation. The book, which was scheduled fo a spring 2008 release, may now never see the light of day.

"The book is delayed indefinitely. It's delayed, not canceled," a spokeswoman for publisher Thomas Nelson--which specializes in inspirational books and Bibles--told People.

Rupert Everett isn't too happy with his treatment as an actor in Hollywood.

In an interview with Britain’s The Times, the 48-year-old actor compared Tinseltown to Al Qaeda.

“Hollywood is a place that pretends it’s very liberal but it’s not remotely,” he told the paper.

Mr. Everett told the interviewer that being an openly gay actor has cost him “tons” of starring roles over the years. He also believes that the only reason he was hired to be the voice of Prince Charming in the Shrek franchise is because it’s animated.

Asked whether Jodie Foster’s recent acknowledgement of her lesbian life partner in an acceptance speech indicates a growing tolerance towards homosexuality in the American arm of the film industry, the Importance of Being Earnest star said: “It’s the opposite. She is 45 and she just couldn’t be bothered any more. After a certain age you can be gay [in Hollywood]. Before that it’s not only not good, it’s impossible.”  read more »

What better way to lighten the Monday load than with a little celebrity lifestyle coaching from Patrick Wanis, PhD? He’s just miraculously survived an invasion of legion New Yorkers in town for Art Basel Miami. Despite all that distraction, he offered up a gargantuan platter of super-chewy goss. It’s The Top Ten Celebrity Meltdowns of 2007!

We’ve included his list, which Mr. Wanis released only to The Daily Transom, but we decided to focus first on El Numero Uno: the biggest celebrity train wreck of the year—at least in Mr. Wanis’ view. And you’ll likely never guess who it is. (Hint: It’s not Britney Spears. It’s not Lindsay Lohan. And it sure ain’t Paris Hilton.)  read more »

Britney Spears’ legal battle with Kevin Federline over the custody of Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, rages on. A lawyer for the L.A. Department of Children and Family Services has announced that a formal investigation into “multiple child abuse and neglect” allegations will soon commence. In particular, concerns were raised that Ms. Spears’ two children might be in physical danger if left in the sole care of their volatile mother. And while the court documents do not provide specifics, according to the AP, the child welfare department did indicate that the investigation was spurred, at least in part, by a request from Mr. Federline.  read more »

Just when we weren’t looking, Details got all straight-acting on us. Surely editor-in-chief Dan Peres hasn’t exhausted Hollywood’s bottomless supply of fresh-faced actors. Or maybe he has.

On the cover of the book’s latest issue, which touts a “Power and Influence” theme, Britney Spears’ ex, Kevin Federline, isn’t photographed count-the-pores close or even slightly naked (perhaps in spite of the fact that he was shot by Steven Klein.) In fact, with K-Fed’s crossed, tattooed forearms and his what-up-dude glance, he looks nothing at all like his twinkishly-styled predecessors. (Ashton…Rhys Meyers…Beckham…Radcliffe…Anyone?) What’s more, the cagey lad-mag has gone and ranked him No. 7 on their list of 50 “power players.” Huh. The 29-year-old father of Ms. Spears’ two sons, Sean and Jayden, doesn’t give any good goss about the pop singer he once loved, but he doesn’t exactly leave readers crying ‘Gimme more,’ either. Mr. Federline does admit, however, that he can’t decide which animated character he likes more—SpongeBob SquarePants or Nemo (as in the fish one looks for).

Talking to US, Mr. Peres says, “Here is the person who people think of as this universal joke, who has oddly emerged as father of the year…The kids would go running to him and were very warm and very well behaved.”

Julia Roberts, mother of three, is worried about the environment and Britney Spears, who she wants to put in her guesthouse and “just take care of.” Ms. Roberts, who will grace the cover of the December issue of Vanity Fair with a rose clamped between her megawatt chompers, tells the magazine:

“You can’t help but be aware, because now we are a home of five people. We make a lot of garbage. How can we make less garbage? This is our plight. I use Seventh Generation (chlorine-free, non-toxic) diapers for Finn and Hazel, and then I was turned on to the (plastic-free, flushable) diapers [for Henry]. It is flushable, but you’ve got to stir that thing! If you don’t really break it all the way up, it doesn’t go all the way down.”

Julia Roberts – “Vanity Fair” December 2007 [Just Jared]

Court papers reveal Britney Spears’ outrageous spending: $102,000 a month on entertainment, $16,000 on clothes, $6,000 on child care. [Page Six]

Celebrity Halloween costumes are exposed; Britney wins for craziest costume, dressed as herself. [Rush & Malloy]

At Jenna’s reading of her new book, a Bush family friend says he was surprised to find it did not reveal “how to get a fake ID.” [Page Six]

Fox News Channel correspondent Chris Wallace chastises the “mainstream media” for hiding the “untold truth” about Iraq. [Page Six]

A new romance may be blossoming between Eminem and a Detroit hairdresser, who bears a scary resemblance to his ex wife. [Page Six]

The Box has hired former Police Commissioner Howard Safir’s security firm to protect its late night dancers from a sexual predator. [Page Six]

Former Men’s Fitness editor Neal Boulton denies charges of being “too straight.” [Page Six]

Today will make things look like babies, rehab, and the Pearlman Ponzi scheme never happened, as new albums from Britney Spears and The Backstreet Boys hit stores. Unbreakable is the first Backstreet Boys album without original band member Kevin Richardson who, over a year ago, decided “to move on to the next chapter” of his life. Blackout, Britney Spears’ latest, proves that she has failed to. But that won’t stop fans from eating it up. Her dance moves at this year’s MTV Music Awards may have been less than stellar, but the single, “Gimme More,” was extremely catchy—and remarkably honest. Can we expect the same from the Backstreet Boys? Probably not. Edge: Britney.

It took Arrested Development three years, five months, and two days to get a record contract to release their first album in 1992. The album, appropriately called 3 Years, 5 Months, and 2 Days in the Life of ... introduced white college kids everywhere to rap and to Mr. Wendal (Remember him?). It's taken more than 10 years to get out their follow-up to their sophomore effort Zingalamaduni, Since the Last Time. It’s not going to be so easy this time around—there aren't a bunch of pushovers like the Spin Doctors to compete for airtime. But they understand what they’ll need to succeed: their first single is titled “Miracles.”  read more »

The horror of having to evacuate homes during Malibu’s biggest wildfire in recent history is not being helped by fallen pop star Britney Spears’ recent custody troubles.

“Basically, all the paparazzi are still out there trying to get their Britney shot,” said one resident of the beachy burg.  read more »