When Jessica Simpson landed at New York’s JFK airport on Friday night, seven National Guardsmen swarmed around the smiling star. Dressed in dessert-colored camo fatigues, the kitted-out soldiers rushed Ms. Simpson to her waiting Escalade. But! Despite the fact that all that public-funded protection seems totally warranted for such a national treasure, National Guard Major Angelo Agro said he’s currently “investigating” the matter.

That’s funny, because this morning at around 1 a.m., the Daily Transom was confronted by two National Guardsmen in Terminal 7 at JFK. The two mammoth men asked us whether a lonely, vacant Saturn parked outside the terminal was ours. When we told them we knew nothing about the car, they shrugged and wandered away.

Code Blonde—National Guard Rushes for Jessica [TMZ]

This schmancy watch itself tells time in two cities simultaneously, and can be set for thirty different world cities. Because, you know, it's hard to remember that if it's 8 p.m. in Faisalabad, then it's 5 p.m. in Freiburg.

A random assortment of celebrity watch-enthusiasts were on hand to add to the bizarreness of the event, such as Justin Chambers, of Gray's Anatomy, the down-home cutie who said he did nothing this summer but "watch the grass grow." Lynda Carter stopped by looking totally fantastic. (For the record, Wonder Woman was the only person who walked out of there with a free Lange 1 Time Zone; its price tag hovers around $20,000.) Ms. Carter, who just finished shooting "The Dukes of Hazzard" with Jessica Simpson, reported that Ms. Simpson was "professional and nice." Over a loud yawn, The Transom distinctly heard Ms. Carter say, "You'll never be bored a day in your life if you're curious...in a healthy way."

There was an awkward pause. Where is this watchmaker? A huge door lifted in the corner of the studio, and a black Mercedes Kompressor drove in.

Ms. Carter, who certainly knows how to pick up a cue, chirped, "That was the coolest entrance I've ever seen!"