Jessica Simpson

When Jessica Simpson landed at New York’s JFK airport on Friday night, seven National Guardsmen swarmed around the smiling star. Dressed in dessert-colored camo fatigues, the kitted-out soldiers rushed Ms. Simpson to her waiting Escalade. But! Despite the fact that all that public-funded protection seems totally warranted for such a national treasure, National Guard Major Angelo Agro said he’s currently “investigating” the matter.

That’s funny, because this morning at around 1 a.m., the Daily Transom was confronted by two National Guardsmen in Terminal 7 at JFK. The two mammoth men asked us whether a lonely, vacant Saturn parked outside the terminal was ours. When we told them we knew nothing about the car, they shrugged and wandered away.

Code Blonde—National Guard Rushes for Jessica [TMZ]

 

 

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Pat O'Brien was nowhere to be seen on the midtown set of ET's bastard child 'The Insider' last Friday afternoon. Instead, cater-waiters stalked the floors of his set with glasses of champagne, beer (which tasted suspiciously like Heineken) and Smart Water. Much of the crowd present was composed of members of the German American Chamber of Commerce. These Germans peered out the windows at the Reuters billboard. There may be no 'it' bag this year, but some would like you to believe that there is an "it" watch: that watch is the official timepiece of the global jetsetter, the A. Lange & Sohne's Lange 1 Time Zone.

This schmancy watch itself tells time in two cities simultaneously, and can be set for thirty different world cities. Because, you know, it's hard to remember that if it's 8 p.m. in Faisalabad, then it's 5 p.m. in Freiburg.

All thirty of this watch's favorite cities tuned in via live satellite broadcast; that was why the Germans were staring at the Reuters billboard in Times Square. At precisely 2 p.m., the billboard was completely cleared of Verizon ads and filled with the multicast of the Lange 1 Time Zone watch launch. After all, as the broadcasts' spokeswoman at the factory in Saxony, Germany said, "the fascination of mechanical watches has always stirred people throughout the world." Stirred them!

A random assortment of celebrity watch-enthusiasts were on hand to add to the bizarreness of the event, such as Justin Chambers, of Gray's Anatomy, the down-home cutie who said he did nothing this summer but "watch the grass grow." Lynda Carter stopped by looking totally fantastic. (For the record, Wonder Woman was the only person who walked out of there with a free Lange 1 Time Zone; its price tag hovers around $20,000.) Ms. Carter, who just finished shooting "The Dukes of Hazzard" with Jessica Simpson, reported that Ms. Simpson was "professional and nice." Over a loud yawn, The Transom distinctly heard Ms. Carter say, "You'll never be bored a day in your life if you're curious...in a healthy way."

All eyes were on Ms. Carter and the head watch dealer from Wempe as a live broadcast began. "We have everyone here but the watchmaker!" they announced theatrically.

There was an awkward pause. Where is this watchmaker? A huge door lifted in the corner of the studio, and a black Mercedes Kompressor drove in.

Unfortunately, it was just as the camera cut back to Saxony. Whoops! But no worries. The watchmakers' driver reversed through the crowd, and when the cameras cut back to New York, it pulled right up again.

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The watchmaker, looking inexplicably terrified, crawled out of the back seat. He was wearing a white doctor's coat. Ms. Carter beckoned sexily, "Come over here, Mr. Watchmaker!" He obeyed, wide-eyed and tight-lipped, standing next to Ms. Carter like her lapdog.

Behind him on the Reuters billboard, huge versions of Wonder Woman and the watchmaker loomed over the umbrellas of tourists who hurried past blissfully oblivious, just trying to get out of the pouring rain. —Raquel Hecker

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